The day of Mom L’s move was riddled with stress. No, I wasn’t surprised, but having never dealt with movers before, I never would have guessed how hectic it would get.
Strike one – the movers were three hours late, so they sent four guys instead of three. Sounds like a nice thing, but for the first hour only two people did any work – strike two. Thanks to our organization of the boxes and furniture, the truck was packed in under three hours and we were on our less-than-merry way.
When they arrived at our home, the four guys did work and it was chaotic. Too many people, going through too many doors with too many boxes – ugh. I think we were all thankful for them to leave, despite the damage they did to two of our walls and the upholstery on a chair – strike three.
The result, though, was chaos in our house – and Mom L’s realization that she had a lot of stuff. At one point she, standing at the top of the stairs, called down to me and said, “There aren’t many more boxes, are there?” Sadly there were.
After all was said and done, she seemed a little embarrassed at all of the stuff she had brought. Mike and I helped her get her room in some semblance of order so she could go to bed. Tomorrow would be another day and I was off all week to help her organize.
Whew.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A Life in a Box: When to Let Go
In all of our basements, attics, spare closets, etc. we gather lifetime of stuff, much of which we never use or look at for decades. In them are pieces of our history that we don’t want to let go because they spark a specific memory of a person, place or event. Such is the case for Mom L.
At the start of this adventure, the three of use gathered in her basement to go through all of the boxes that had been there since her last move five years ago. And we learned that much of it had been there from two or three moves prior.
An organized chaos of sorts, we set out to determine the contents of every box and determine its fate. Legal pad, pen and sharper marker in hand, we numbered each box and noted the contents. The four piles were simple (sort of): 1. Stuff definitely coming with us; 2. Stuff that needs to be looked through; 3. Stuff for the grandkids; and 4. Stuff for goodwill.
Pile one grew quickly, but – to my shock – there was so many boxes that we would need to look through before taking. Twenty seven boxes of papers, folders, old bills, etc. – Mom L.’s lifetime in a box.
It’s amazing what you can learn about person by the things she saved. As I sorted through the yellowed newspaper recipes and advice columns, I was saddened by the reality that she would never cook these recipes for the family she built. They represented a time when a young woman was learning how to be wife and a mother, simply looking for a way to navigate the new waters. I wondered if she remembered what “Dear Abby” said in 1970 and if it was really my decision to say she didn’t need that bit of advice.
Peeking into someone’s life can be exhausting. I was quickly overcome with emotions; Mike less so. (I’m learning that men have an ability to turn off their emotions – at least externally – when the need arises.) I kept thinking, “Who am I to say she won’t ever need the recipe of for that specific chicken casserole?” even though I knew she hadn’t cooked anything like it in the eight years Mike and I have been together. Still, it was tough.
Because her eyes are bad, she was unable to look through much of the boxes and relied on Mike and my judgment. We took out every UKrups recipe we could find, as that name stuck in her head as having a specific dish she wanted to make. (I doubt she will ever look at them, and then feel bad for thinking that way.)
An outline of her life starts to unfold as we pilfer through her stuff, and she fills in the details. I’m now convinced that she does remember what “Dear Abby” advised her in 1970, and wonder if I should take note.
At the start of this adventure, the three of use gathered in her basement to go through all of the boxes that had been there since her last move five years ago. And we learned that much of it had been there from two or three moves prior.
An organized chaos of sorts, we set out to determine the contents of every box and determine its fate. Legal pad, pen and sharper marker in hand, we numbered each box and noted the contents. The four piles were simple (sort of): 1. Stuff definitely coming with us; 2. Stuff that needs to be looked through; 3. Stuff for the grandkids; and 4. Stuff for goodwill.
Pile one grew quickly, but – to my shock – there was so many boxes that we would need to look through before taking. Twenty seven boxes of papers, folders, old bills, etc. – Mom L.’s lifetime in a box.
It’s amazing what you can learn about person by the things she saved. As I sorted through the yellowed newspaper recipes and advice columns, I was saddened by the reality that she would never cook these recipes for the family she built. They represented a time when a young woman was learning how to be wife and a mother, simply looking for a way to navigate the new waters. I wondered if she remembered what “Dear Abby” said in 1970 and if it was really my decision to say she didn’t need that bit of advice.
Peeking into someone’s life can be exhausting. I was quickly overcome with emotions; Mike less so. (I’m learning that men have an ability to turn off their emotions – at least externally – when the need arises.) I kept thinking, “Who am I to say she won’t ever need the recipe of for that specific chicken casserole?” even though I knew she hadn’t cooked anything like it in the eight years Mike and I have been together. Still, it was tough.
Because her eyes are bad, she was unable to look through much of the boxes and relied on Mike and my judgment. We took out every UKrups recipe we could find, as that name stuck in her head as having a specific dish she wanted to make. (I doubt she will ever look at them, and then feel bad for thinking that way.)
An outline of her life starts to unfold as we pilfer through her stuff, and she fills in the details. I’m now convinced that she does remember what “Dear Abby” advised her in 1970, and wonder if I should take note.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Back Story: We Convinced Mom L. to Move In
While it might seem odd to some, I’m actually excited to have my mother-in-law move in with us. Less than a year after Mike and I got engaged, he’s dad died of cancer. It was devastating on so many fronts. Mike and I were clearly aligned on the fact that we would take care of his mom. (This was 2004.)
After living in her house for a year after Mike’s father’s death, Mom L. moved into Mike’s brother’s house and his brother moved in with his fiancé. It was an easy way to get her out of far away Maryland, where the closest relative was an hour away. It seemed that everyone knew it was a temporary fix – except Mom L. She was content living alone and enjoying the freedom of her days. (This was 2005)
Little-by-little her sight grew worse. She suffers from Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD) and has for many years. About a year after she moved into her new home, she made the decision to get rid of her car, since she hadn’t drove it. Now as anyone who has lived in the suburbs knows, you can’t get anywhere without a car. Thankfully the extended family nearby stepped to drive her food shopping, on errands and to the doctor. (This was 2006)
When Mike and I decided to move out of our fabulous one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, we first looked at larger apartments in within the city to accommodate our growing possessions and a home business. Mike really wanted to own something – and if you know him, you understand why a co-op wasn’t an option. (The similarity between the word co-op and coop should not be overlooked here.) So a house it was.
We initially looked for two family homes with the thought that Mom L. would move in and have her own space. The best laid plans, I guess. The neighborhood we picked dictated that a two-family house wasn’t in our immediate future. But we found a large four-bedroom home that would more than accommodate our needs – and a mom-in-law. (This was 2007)
From the day we moved, we made it clear that she could come at any point. She wanted no part of it. She nicely said, “You guys are newlyweds in your first home, why do you want your mother-in-law there?” I love her for saying that, but knew it was only a matter of time.
When Mike fell ill last year, Mom L. came to live with us for an extended period of time. First a week, then two weeks. It was something of a trial period, I guess. I think we all realized that if we could co-exist during such trying times, we probably wouldn’t have much trouble on a full-time basis. (This was 2009.)
Earlier this year, Mom L.’s eye doctor told her she probably shouldn’t be living alone. After much deliberation, she agreed to move in with Mike and me. Welcome to 2010!
This has, to some extent, turned all of our worlds upside-down – in a good way. As we anxiously prepare for her move, there are a ton of emotions and issues that keep arising. So I figured I’d share them with the crowd in the hopes of helping out anyone else who maybe in a similar situation. And, hopefully, you’ll enjoy a little bit of a laugh along the way.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention – whenever Mike, Mom L. and I are together, we always find ourselves hysterically laughing about something. This is going to fun!
After living in her house for a year after Mike’s father’s death, Mom L. moved into Mike’s brother’s house and his brother moved in with his fiancé. It was an easy way to get her out of far away Maryland, where the closest relative was an hour away. It seemed that everyone knew it was a temporary fix – except Mom L. She was content living alone and enjoying the freedom of her days. (This was 2005)
Little-by-little her sight grew worse. She suffers from Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD) and has for many years. About a year after she moved into her new home, she made the decision to get rid of her car, since she hadn’t drove it. Now as anyone who has lived in the suburbs knows, you can’t get anywhere without a car. Thankfully the extended family nearby stepped to drive her food shopping, on errands and to the doctor. (This was 2006)
When Mike and I decided to move out of our fabulous one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, we first looked at larger apartments in within the city to accommodate our growing possessions and a home business. Mike really wanted to own something – and if you know him, you understand why a co-op wasn’t an option. (The similarity between the word co-op and coop should not be overlooked here.) So a house it was.
We initially looked for two family homes with the thought that Mom L. would move in and have her own space. The best laid plans, I guess. The neighborhood we picked dictated that a two-family house wasn’t in our immediate future. But we found a large four-bedroom home that would more than accommodate our needs – and a mom-in-law. (This was 2007)
From the day we moved, we made it clear that she could come at any point. She wanted no part of it. She nicely said, “You guys are newlyweds in your first home, why do you want your mother-in-law there?” I love her for saying that, but knew it was only a matter of time.
When Mike fell ill last year, Mom L. came to live with us for an extended period of time. First a week, then two weeks. It was something of a trial period, I guess. I think we all realized that if we could co-exist during such trying times, we probably wouldn’t have much trouble on a full-time basis. (This was 2009.)
Earlier this year, Mom L.’s eye doctor told her she probably shouldn’t be living alone. After much deliberation, she agreed to move in with Mike and me. Welcome to 2010!
This has, to some extent, turned all of our worlds upside-down – in a good way. As we anxiously prepare for her move, there are a ton of emotions and issues that keep arising. So I figured I’d share them with the crowd in the hopes of helping out anyone else who maybe in a similar situation. And, hopefully, you’ll enjoy a little bit of a laugh along the way.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention – whenever Mike, Mom L. and I are together, we always find ourselves hysterically laughing about something. This is going to fun!
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